Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
I wish I felt braver in this moment. I am a long-time blogger. I started way back in the beginning of the craze in 2005 with the intent of simply recording the happenings of my family. My kids were young then and we had recently moved to Colorado from Phoenix. Recording those moments have become sweet, sweet gifts of memories I would have long forgotten had I not written them down. But this blog is different. This blog will not be about vacations and birthdays and littles growing into bigs. This blog will be personal and intimate, and my fear comes from knowing that the journey I am about to take, and invite you to join me on, will be raw and necessarily vulnerable.
Five years ago I found myself in a very lonely place. Up until that point, things had been going along swimmingly. We were a typical family of four, living in the suburbs of Denver. Good jobs, pretty happy kids and a large social network which was very much tied to our church. We were devout members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (also knows as the LDS church, but best known as the Mormon church). We’ll get into the details shortly, but there’s a lot of “doing” in the Mormon church and I was doing a lot. And doing my best at doing a lot. And I was tired. And though what I was in pursuit of was a close relationship with God, I found myself feeling further and further away from Him the more I took on. I started to have questions, and these questions led me to begin tugging at the thread of the religion — and that innocent tugging led to the unraveling of the foundation of my beliefs. Not too long after I started tugging I found myself swirling in the throws of a full-on faith crisis. And that, my friends, is a lonely place to be.
Which brings me to why we’re here. Why I’m writing and perhaps why you’re reading these words.
I want to create a place of safety for those that are questioning. Questioning things you’ve been taught, or heard, or learned somewhere along the way that just doesn’t sit right in your heart. I want to create a community of support and friendship where you can come and not feel alone. A place where it’s okay to not have all the answers. I certainly don’t have all the answers. But here is what I do have. Experience.
Going through a faith crisis turned my world upside down. When I came to the conclusion that what I had been taught simply wasn’t true and I realized that I had brought my family into this religion, raised my kids in it, followed the rules around it and now would be leaving it and starting anew I was crushed. I felt shame and guilt and fear. Through the grace of God and support of a few close friends I made it through and though I am not thankful for all the experiences that came from that journey, I am thankful for the lessons I learned along the way. I hope in sharing these lessons, and experiences, you also will find hope and the courage to keep pushing through. You are not alone.