Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.  And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

~Hebrews 12:1

As I sit here, I am recovering from breast cancer surgery, I am feeling reflective.  I’m sure that’s not a surprising response to trauma.  I think trauma brings about reflection in most of us.  It also tends to be a time we call on God, if we call on Him at all.  I find it easier to remember to bring God in when I’m in crisis.  It’s the times when I’m not that sometimes I forget to include Him.  But here’s the good news.  God waits on us.  He is unhindered in His pursuit of us.  And He is patient.  No matter how many doors we slam shut, no matter how hard we try to hide, God waits for us to invite Him in, patiently.  He never leaves us, never abandons us.  When we feel His absence, it is not because He has moved away, but because we have.  I didn’t always understand this truth.  But that’s because my relationship with God wasn’t very relational for many, many years.  In fact, I’ve only begun calling myself a Christian in the last five years or so.  Yet God has called me His since my inception.

Crisis comes in all shapes and sizes; small and large, hiccups and full-on consumption.  I have come to understand that it doesn’t really matter what the crisis is, the stages of working through it, and truly coming to the other side of it, is akin to the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  Within those stages there are other things we experience; shame, guilt, doubt, affirmation, peace and in the end, bounty.

The stories in these pages are glimpses of my experiences as I clawed my way through a faith crisis in pursuit of a closer relationship with God, and how through it I was shaped by the potter into something stronger and more beautiful than I even imagined for myself.

As I sit here, on the other side of all the yuck, it feels like it was a short journey.  As I take it apart and really examine it, it was five years of my life – the crisis part – the full ride has been a lifetime and I would be a fool to believe I have yet arrived.  What I can say is that I am through the storm – not in the eye of it, but through it – this one at least and I am enjoying the fruits of my salvation every day, to its fullest, and giving all the glory to Him.  I feel compelled to share my story because going through a faith crisis was a lonely experience.  At first, it was lonely because I was ashamed at the questions I was wrestling with so I just didn’t share them with anyone – and later because I was coming to some conclusions that those around me would not be in agreement with.  Ultimately the conclusions God brought me to caused me to make great changes in my life.  I had to lose most everything to gain what I have today.  And it was terrifying.  I’m here to promise, that if you lean fully on God, if you are faithful to Him and in letting Him into the darkest corners of your life, you will never be alone.  He will guide your way and make you into the version of you that you are meant to be, but it takes faith – even if it is only a mustard seed worth.

Welcome — I’m glad you’re here.